Procession of the Feces

Well I saw in the news the other day that it was that time of year again. Time for the annual, Procession of the Feces. This is probably the single biggest patchouli smelling, Birkenstock wearing, feel-good bunch of bull shit, that has ever graced the streets of downtown Bend. The Pet Parade and Zany Daze are much more worthwhile events than this slithering mass of animal excrement.96.3% of the participants are from California, Portland, and/or Seattle. The rest are locals that are the spawn of people from California, Portland, and/or Seattle. I know this to be true because I went down and looked at them. It was obvious.

I bet the vast majority of those people have never been east of Costco. They don't know the difference between a sage rat and a golden mantle ground squirrel. They've never seen a wild coyote (pronounced kai-oat) or antelope. They don't know if a steelhead is a rainbow trout or a chinook salmon. The only elk they've seen are in a big pen next to the Sisters High School. And they feed the fucking deer!

So they have their little parade and prance around like a bunch of fools. And teach their kids about animals from T.V., magazines, museums, and parades...instead of going out and living it.

Hey Randy Sebastian---Buh Bye

Well it looks like our old friend, Randy Sebastian, that uber-smarmy house peddling creep from Oregon City, is going belly up. Although he will be allowed to "reorganize" under Chapter 11 protection, I have a feeling that the boy is toast. He claims in a letter to local realtors that he will be conducting "business as usual." Hey Randy, you still gonna be giving away those cutesy little pocket Mercedes? I've had the misfortune of meeting the guy and all I can say is, it couldn't happen to a nicer fellow.

I'm truly sorry for the people that this will effect in a negative way.

Pennbrook Fucked Up

I see that Pennbrook is suing the Bend Trap Club because the property that they bought to develop is costing a bunch to clean up. STUPID FUCKERS!

You buy some land that's been a trap shooting site for 75 fucking years and now it's contaminated. Ever hear of lead poisoning? Ever wonder why parents get so pissed off when they find little junior out back, chewing on some paint chips or some Chinese toy? Ever wonder why they won't hardly let you shoot a duck or pheasant anymore with anything other than steel shot?

Then someone tells you that they can clean it up for X dollars, and low and behold...it costs them X plus a whole lot more to actually do it.

This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the fact that you may be losing your shirt on some of your other little deals, would it? Just how many high density houses were you going to put on that 40 acre lead pile anyway? Hows 200 sound?

Oh, by the way, I've got a little piece of land out east of Bend that I think you might be interested in. It's been used to bury a few little odds and ends over the years, but I think for a small fee, it will clean up real nice. I'll make you a heck of a deal on it.

It's got a beautiful fence, all the way around it. And it's exclusive, just like Broken Top. It's got a big fancy security gate that will keep all of the riffraff out. Also, the wildlife abounds. Birds and critters everywhere.

I even have a few suggestions for some names of the future development that you might put out there. Hows about Knott's Landing? Or even better, you could give it one of those trendy, one word names, like they do in San Francisco (The Mission) or Portland (The Pearl). You could simply call it, The Fill.

'Pregnant Man' Gives Birth to Girl -- BULLSHIT

I must say, I'm pretty sick of all the press this fucking idiot is getting. I'm not a homophobe. I don't give a shit if some guy wants to chop off his unit and tuck it inside (or vice versa). You or anyone else are welcome to pump all the estrogen, testosterone, growth hormones, etc., etc. into your body that you want. I don't give a rip. I don't really care about who gets married or what kind of funky sexual hoops they have to jump through to achieve an orgasm, or feel closer to their partner. You can fucking stand on your head with a cumquat perched on your anus and a dog licking your ballsack. HAVE FUN!

No, what pisses me off about this whole situation is that many people seem to think that this woman is some sort of saint, or hero, or something. That she possesses some great inner bravery for sharing her story with the world. C'mon folks, get real. I'll bet you a bundle that she's either in it for the money or just likes to see herself on Oprah...or both.

When I read passages like this --"Born a woman, Beatie, 34, who had had his breasts surgically removed and legally changed his gender from female to male, leaped to prominence around the world in April when the wispy bearded man revealed he was pregnant. "-- I just shake my head. Folks, this is nothing more than a woman that's had some plastic surgery and some shots.

Now I truly believe that a person can be born in the wrong body. All of the gay people that I know, have known that they were attracted to the same sex from very early on. It was not a learned behavior.

If a gay couple, or a straight couple, or this gal, wants to have a child...who am I to tell them it's wrong. If they can't do a decent job of raising that kid, and loving it, and nurturing it, then they don't deserve to have one. And society should have a problem with that. Not because they're gay(or whatever) but because they're bad parents! And if this woman's intentions are anything other than pure, with regard to bearing a child, then we should have a problem with her, too.

In this case, I'm not sure what her intentions are. But the fact that she seems so willing to put herself out there, raises some red flags.

Tuscany Pines Update

O.K., I just couldn't leave this one alone. What the fuck is with that stupid T.V. ad that the good folks over at Tuscany Pines are running? My Great and Gracious God Almighty in heavan above, that's gotta be the stupidest ad I've ever seen...or heard!

Some fembot with a fake Italian accent is trying to push those fucking fecal fortresses in that little slice of Tuscany, er...dirtpile, in the middle of Bend, Oregon. Oh, and I take that back. It's not fecal fortresses, it's fortress, as in singular. At least from what I can tell by the pics, it looks like in the last year or so, only one townhome and a clubhouse have actually been built there. Makes for a great neighborhood for the kiddies. "Hey Johnny and Suzy, why don't you two go out and ride bikes with the sage rats?"

I'm just guessing that Z21 produced the spot, which surprises me. Usually I can stomach most of the stuff they create. But this one, it's just plain stupid.

If I'm correct, some guy name Trono (a U.C. Berserkeley grad no less) has taken over for the illustrious Cate Cushman, and man is he making it tempting to go down and buy five or six of these little gems. Only $400K with $0 down.* Of course the little asterisk leads you to the caveat--*(based on availability). Yes, you'd better hurry!

Abacus GC -- Building Butt Ugly With a View (or, Would You Like To Pet My Monkey?)

I drove out Newport Ave. the other day 'cause I hadn't been out that way for quite a while and I wanted to see what was going on. I cruised out past the Newport Mkt. and waved to Spike and Rudy on the way by. I drove about another block, rolled down my window and proceded to puke all over the side of my pick-up.

There, in all their full fledged putridity, where these ugly, boxy, pieces of shit!


These have to be the ugliest, most out of place, crap trap houses, in all of greater Bend Oregon. I hope to God in heaven above, that whatever school signed off on this guys architecture card, goes way, way out of business.

I don't give a shit if they are Eco-Friendly. I would quite honestly rather see a big, toxic gas emitting, pile of shit, stacked up right there. Yes folks, these things are that ugly.

And what in the hell is this "Newport District"? Oh, I get it, it makes little 'ol Bend sound sophisticated like some pretentious neighborhood back in Cali, or Portland, where the designers of this shit are most likely from...kinda like the Mission, or the Pearl. I'm sure soon enough they'll just start calling it the Port. Hell, if you continue to build crap like that all over that neighborhood, we might as well just call it the Shit.

Don't get me wrong, I'm as sick of "Craftsman Style" as the next guy...but this? This shit belongs in Germany. Dieter (the host of Sprokets) and his pet monkey would fit right into one of these things. And I do mean things.

"Houses in Bend are overvalued, report says"

Well no shit! A report out of Ohio finds that homes in Bend were overvalued by 60% in the last quarter of 2007. That's why we're in this mess. And until those values correct themselves, we're screwed. It also says that historically, it takes about 3 1/2 years for those corrections to occur.

Then you get the typical rose colored outlook from some sack-o-shit realtor, Ruben Garmyn. "Yes we are going through a downturn, partly driven by the media, but we are showing lots of property to potential buyers." Buddy, you can show your overpriced shit boxes to people all day long, but until you actually sell one, who gives a fuck.

Oh and that "media driven" line. Yeah, that makes a ton of sense. I don't think that the media has the power or the dumb sense to do such an idiotic thing. It's called economics, you fool. It's funny to me how some say the media won't be honest about the downturn because it will drive away all of their real estate revenue, yet the realtors say that the downturn is partly media driven. Sounds to me like the media is painting a fairly accurate picture if both sides feel they're being screwed.


What pisses me off the most is just how unscrupulous these lying, no moral, money grubbing realtors can be. Most of them tell you how swimmingly things are going in the Central Oregon real estate game. They're either liers or just complete idiots! You've got people like this Garmyn guy or Dana Bratton saying, "You've got 60 days to make that great buy and then they're onto us," or "So I say, make the move-don't miss the boat." What, miss the boat on houses that were 60% overvalued just 3 months ago? Hmmm...

And the contractors are right there with 'em. COBA (Central Or. Builders Assoc.) has their new, "Best Buyers' Market in 20 Years!" campaign going on right now. So what that should be telling us is that the 60% overvaluation of homes has not only corrected itself, it has reversed itself to some degree. I don't think so. A vast majority of the homes for sale in C.O. right now are still grossly overvalued. They're inching their way downward, but they're overvalued. We're going to have to get a lot closer to that 31/2 year mark to even remotely support C.O.B.A.'s claim.

Would it be so bad to say that the market is extremely tough right know and we're all working our butts off for every sale that we can make. I don't think that anyone would take offense to that. And I don't think it would sway peoples decisions to buy or sell a home.

I guess that I really can't blame these folks for trying to have a positive outlook on things, their lives depend on it. And after all, they are salesman. I just wish they would show a little more character.

A bunch of people have been extremely greedy for a long time and it has caught up with them. Nobody seems to know how to live within their means anymore. And saving a little money for a rainy day, yeah right. You shouldn't borrow money unless you can pay it back, even if it means selling everything you've got. You just have to know that what you've got is sellable. All of this sub-prime, pie-in-the-sky bullshit is catching up with us. And even though the long list of lenders, developers, contractors, reators, etc., etc., are partly to blame, the buyers that were foolish enough to believe them are just as responsible.